The impact of boundaries on our emotions
In today's world, many of us might feel overwhelmed by the challenges we face every day. Whether it's the ongoing pandemic, stress at work, or personal struggles, it's easy to feel like our emotions are out of control. However, as a psychologist, I would argue that we are all responsible for our own emotions, and that taking control of them can be empowering. One important tool we can use is setting boundaries, or knowing when to say "no" to things that push us too far. In this post, I'll explore why boundaries are so crucial to emotional well-being, and offer some tips on how to set them effectively.
First, let's define what we mean by "boundaries." Essentially, a boundary is a limit you set on what you're willing to tolerate from others, or from yourself. Boundaries can be physical (e.g. not allowing people to touch you without your consent), emotional (e.g. not letting someone treat you poorly), or practical (e.g. not taking on too much work at once). When we set boundaries, we're telling ourselves and others that our needs matter, and that we won't compromise them just to please someone else.
So, why are boundaries so important? There are many reasons. For one, setting boundaries can help us avoid burnout. When we're constantly saying "yes" to everything, we can easily become overworked, stressed, and exhausted. By knowing our limits and saying "no" when we need to, we can preserve our energy and avoid overwhelming ourselves. Additionally, boundaries can help protect us from toxic relationships or situations. If we know we won't tolerate certain behaviours from others, we can avoid getting involved with people who will only bring us down. Finally, boundaries are important for our overall sense of self-respect. By enforcing our own limits, we show ourselves that we value our own well-being.
Of course, setting boundaries can be easier said than done. It can be hard to know when to say "no" to someone, and it can be even harder to actually do it. Here are some tips to help make it easier:
Know your values: Boundaries are rooted in our personal values and beliefs. If you're not sure what your boundaries are, take some time to think about what matters most to you. What behaviours from others make you uncomfortable? What situations make you feel stressed or overwhelmed? Knowing your values can help you identify what you need to do to set boundaries that work for you.
Be clear and direct: When setting boundaries with others, it's important to communicate clearly and directly. Don't beat around the bush; be specific about what behaviours you won't tolerate, and what you need from others. For example, instead of saying "I don't like when you talk to me that way," try saying "Please don't speak to me using that tone of voice."
Practice self-care: Setting boundaries can be emotionally exhausting, especially if you're not used to it. To avoid burnout, make sure you're taking care of yourself in other ways. Practice self-care activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as yoga, reading, or spending time with loved ones.
Be patient: Setting boundaries is a process, and it won't always go smoothly. You might encounter pushback or resistance from others, or you might struggle with enforcing your own limits. Be patient with yourself, and remember that this is a learning experience.
In conclusion, learning to set boundaries is an important tool for taking responsibility for our own emotions and well-being. By knowing our limits and communicating them clearly to others, we show ourselves that we deserve respect and care. While it's not always easy, practicing boundary-setting can be a powerful way to empower ourselves and take control of our lives.
If you click here, you can get a new free handout, that helps you keep check on your boundaries.
If you want to learn more about feelings and emotions and gain a variety of skills to manage them, enrol in our online course Working with Emotions, which will guide you to understand what you feel and how that manifests in your body, mind, and actions.