How Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shape us over a Lifetime
Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction, can shape the brain, nervous system, and beliefs we hold about ourselves. Their effects can ripple into adulthood, influencing our emotional wellbeing, relationships, self-worth, mental and physical health, and the ways we cope with stress. With trauma-informed therapy and gentle support, these early wounds can be understood and healed.
Have you ever wondered why certain patterns keep showing up in your life, no matter how hard you try to change them? Perhaps you struggle to trust others, feel a quiet sense of "not being good enough," or notice that stress hits you harder than it seems to hit those around you. These patterns are rarely about willpower or personality flaws. More often, they point to something far older and far deeper, the experiences that shaped us long before we had any words for them.
In our previous article, Understanding the Addiction Tree Model, we explored how our visible struggles often grow from underlying emotions and the soil of past trauma. This post turns its full attention to that soil, specifically, adverse childhood experiences and the lasting imprint they can leave on the body, mind, and the whole shape of a life.
By the end of this article, you will understand what ACEs are, how they are measured, why they affect brain and nervous system development, and how they can quietly influence everything from relationships to physical health in adulthood. Most importantly, you will discover that this soil can be tended, and that healing is genuinely possible.
What are adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and how are they measured?
Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are potentially traumatic events that occur between the ages of 0 and 17. The term comes from the landmark CDC-Kaiser ACE Study, first published by Felitti and Anda in 1998, which surveyed over 17,000 adults about their childhoods and later health outcomes.
The study grouped ACEs into three broad categories:
Abuse: physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
Neglect: physical or emotional neglect
Household challenges: witnessing violence at home, substance use in the household, mental illness in the family, parental separation or divorce, or having a household member who was incarcerated
Each experience counts as one point, creating an "ACE score" from 0 to 10. The higher the score, the greater the cumulative load of childhood adversity. A score is not a diagnosis or a destiny. Rather, it offers a way to recognise how much a young nervous system may have had to manage.
It is also worth remembering that trauma is not only about dramatic events. A quiet, ongoing absence of emotional attunement from a caregiver can shape a child just as powerfully as something more visible.
How do adverse childhood experiences affect brain development and the nervous system?
A child's brain is still under construction, and it builds itself in response to its environment. When that environment feels safe, the brain learns that the world is manageable. When it feels frightening or unpredictable, the brain adapts to survive instead.
Prolonged, intense stress in childhood, often called toxic stress, can alter the structures responsible for emotion and reasoning. Research published by the National Institutes of Health shows that ACEs can affect the amygdala, the brain's threat-detection centre, as well as the prefrontal cortex, which governs logical thinking and impulse control. In short, the alarm system grows louder while the brakes become harder to apply.
These changes show up in the body as nervous system dysregulation. A person may swing between states of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, often without any obvious trigger in the present moment. The nervous system is simply doing what it learned to do years ago: bracing for danger. This can leave someone feeling perpetually anxious, easily overwhelmed, or strangely numb—long after the original danger has passed.
Learning to recognise and settle these states is a vital part of healing. Our Nervous System Regulation Bundle offers gentle, evidence-based grounding techniques to help you steady yourself when difficult sensations arise. The Coping Skills Worksheet is another supportive tool for building this foundation.
How do ACEs shape self-worth and emotional wellbeing?
Perhaps the most enduring legacy of childhood adversity is the story we come to tell about ourselves. When a child's needs go unmet, they rarely conclude that the adults around them were struggling. Instead, they often internalise a quieter, more painful belief: there must be something wrong with me.
This is the root of shame, the deep sense of being flawed, unlovable, or not enough. Left unexamined, it can colour everything: how we speak to ourselves, the risks we feel able to take, and how much joy we allow ourselves to receive. Many adults carrying ACEs describe a persistent inner critic, difficulty trusting their own feelings, or a tendency to put everyone else's needs before their own.
Emotional regulation can be affected too. When no one helped us name and soothe big feelings in childhood, we may reach adulthood without a clear map for managing them. Emotions can feel either overwhelming or strangely distant, and this can make daily life feel more effortful than it needs to be.
How do adverse childhood experiences affect relationships?
Our earliest relationships teach us what to expect from others, and these lessons run deep. A child who learned that closeness was unsafe, unpredictable, or conditional often carries those expectations into adult relationships.
This can show up in many ways. Some people find themselves anxious in relationships, fearing abandonment and seeking constant reassurance. Others protect themselves by keeping people at arm's length, valuing independence above connection. Many move between the two. Patterns like people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or repeatedly choosing partners who feel familiar but unkind often trace back to the relational blueprint formed in childhood.
Understanding these patterns is not about blame. It is about recognising that you learned to relate in the only way that felt safe at the time, and that, with awareness and support, new and healthier ways of connecting can be learned.
What are the long-term effects of ACEs on mental and physical health?
The impact of childhood adversity reaches far beyond emotions and relationships. The original ACE study revealed a striking relationship between childhood adversity and adult health, and decades of research have since confirmed it.
A higher ACE score is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health difficulties. It is also linked to a range of coping patterns people may turn to for relief, such as addiction, disordered eating, or chronic overworking, which often begin as understandable attempts to soothe pain the person never chose to carry. To explore this dimension more fully, you may find it helpful to read The Roots of Addiction and learn how everyday Addiction Triggers can reignite old pain.
The body keeps the score too. Long-term exposure to toxic stress is associated with a higher risk of physical conditions, including heart disease, autoimmune issues, and chronic pain. This is not a personal failing, it is the long shadow of a nervous system that spent its formative years braced for threat. Understanding this can be a relief, because it means these difficulties make sense, and they can be addressed.
How can trauma-informed therapy help heal childhood wounds?
If so much of adult life grows from the soil of early experience, then lasting change means tending to that soil. Managing surface symptoms, whether anxiety, a difficult habit, or relationship conflict, offers essential relief. Yet on its own, it leaves the underlying wounds untouched, which is why old patterns so often return in a new form.
Trauma-informed therapy takes a different path. It gently explores the roots and soil at a pace that feels safe for you, helping you process old pain rather than relive it. As your nervous system learns that the danger has passed, the patterns built to survive it begin to soften. As we explore in Healing Is a Process, this work is rarely linear, but it is deeply worthwhile.
Therapy with Michaela offers a range of services to support this holistic healing. You can explore your experiences privately through individual psychotherapy or psychology sessions at the Hampton clinic in Melbourne. For those further afield, secure telehealth appointments are available across Australia, along with online courses for those who prefer to learn at their own pace.
Between sessions, practical resources can keep you grounded. The Coping Skills Worksheet and Nervous System Regulation Bundle help you build awareness and steadiness in everyday life, so you can respond to challenges with intention rather than autopilot.
Tending to your soil, one gentle step at a time
Adverse childhood experiences shape us, but they do not have the final say. The patterns that cause so much distress today began as a young child's best attempt to survive. When you understand this, it becomes possible to meet yourself with curiosity and compassion rather than judgement.
You do not have to do this tender work alone. If you feel ready to begin tending to your soil, support is here for you. Reach out through the Therapy with Michaela contact page to book a session, explore an online course, or download a supportive worksheet today.
Frequently asked questions
Who is trauma-informed therapy for?
Trauma-informed therapy is for anyone whose present-day struggles, anxiety, low self-worth, relationship difficulties, or repetitive emotional patterns, feel connected to difficult childhood experiences. It is especially helpful for people who sense that old patterns keep repeating despite their best efforts to change.
Do ACEs always lead to problems in adulthood?
No. A high ACE score increases risk, but it is not a destiny. Many factors influence our outcomes, including supportive relationships, resilience, and access to help. With understanding and support, the long-term effects of ACEs can be eased and healing is genuinely possible.
How long does it take to heal from adverse childhood experiences?
Healing is highly individual and usually unfolds over months or years rather than weeks. Because trauma-informed therapy moves at your pace to keep you emotionally safe, the timeline depends on your history, your readiness, and the consistency of your support.
Are there risks involved in processing childhood trauma?
Exploring past trauma can temporarily increase emotional distress. To reduce this risk, a therapist helps clients build strong grounding and regulation skills before processing deeper wounds, ensuring the work always feels manageable.
What does trauma-informed therapy cost in Australia?
Costs vary by the type of support you choose, from affordable self-guided worksheets to ongoing individual psychotherapy or psychology sessions. Medicare rebates may be available for eligible clients in Australia who hold a valid mental health care plan.