Taking control of your emotions: The importance of setting boundaries
As a psychologist, I often hear people express their frustration with their emotions. Whether it's feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or angry, many feel like they have no control over their emotional states. However, the reality is that we are all responsible for our own emotions. And setting boundaries is a crucial component in managing them. After years of experience counseling individuals and couples, I have come to recognise just how vital these skills are in creating healthy, fulfilling relationships.
To start, let's define what we mean by "boundaries." At their core, boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves in terms of what we will and will not tolerate from others. This can include emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, and time boundaries. When we set clear boundaries, we are establishing priorities that allow us to protect ourselves, physically, emotionally, and mentally. In turn, setting boundaries helps us to reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to manage our emotions.
The problem is, many of us struggle with the notion of setting boundaries. This is often due to underlying beliefs around what it means to be "selfish" or "demanding" when we assert our boundaries. But the truth is, setting boundaries is an act of self-care. When we set boundaries, we are sending a clear message that our well-being is important, and that we will not tolerate behaviours that undermine it.
One of the most significant benefits of setting boundaries is that it allows us to take ownership of our emotions. When we allow others to dictate how we feel, we give away our power. But when we set boundaries and protect ourselves from negative influences, we regain control over our emotional states. We can choose how we feel and how we respond to situations in our lives. This means that we are no longer at the mercy of our environment, but rather we are strong enough to manage the ups and downs that come our way.
Another essential aspect of setting boundaries is that it allows us to build trust and respect in our relationships. When we assert our boundaries, we are showing others that we value ourselves, and we expect them to do the same. This means that we are more likely to attract people into our lives who hold similar values and who respect us. In turn, this creates more fulfilling and positive relationships, which can help to further support our emotional health.
In conclusion, setting boundaries is an essential life skill that allows us to take control of our emotions and protect our well-being. While it can be challenging to assert our boundaries, it is vital to remember that this is an act of self-care and an essential component of healthy relationships. By setting clear boundaries, we are establishing priorities that allow us to live fulfilling, joyful lives. So, if you're struggling with overwhelming emotions or feel like your relationships are draining you, take some time to assess your boundaries and consider what changes you can make to start taking control of your life today.
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If you want to learn more about feelings and emotions and gain a variety of skills to manage them, enrol in our online course Working with Emotions, which will guide you to understand what you feel and how that manifests in your body, mind, and actions.