Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion and Tips for Managing it in a Healthy Way
Have you ever felt angry and not known why? Perhaps someone cut you off in traffic or a coworker made an off-hand comment that rubbed you the wrong way. Anger is an innate emotion that is inevitable in human life. It is a normal human response to certain situations, such as feeling threatened, feeling frustrated, or being hurt; and it can leave us feeling out of control and overwhelmed. But did you know that anger is actually a secondary emotion? And that by understanding the underlying emotions that lead to anger, we can learn to manage it in a healthy way?
As a psychologist and psychotherapist, I have experienced anger as a common topic with my patients. Anger can impact our relationships, job, and our psychological well-being. Hence, it is essential to understand what triggers our anger, how we can manage it in a healthy way, and express our emotions constructively.
First, let's define anger. Anger is an emotional response to a perceived threat or harm. It can manifest in a variety of ways, including physical symptoms like increased heart rate and blood pressure, loud voice, clenched jaw, sweating or shaking as well as psychological symptoms like irritability, frustration and feelings of being trapped or helpless. Behavioural signs can vary from impulsive actions or physical aggression to passive acts like withdrawing or ignoring conversations. Anger is rarely the root cause of an emotional response. There is always another emotion, often more vulnerable, that underlies our anger. Some common primary emotions that trigger anger are fear, hurt, pain, and sadness. For example, if a person has experienced trauma before, they might suppress their fear, and this suppressed emotion can manifest as anger later. Or, if you feel ashamed after making a mistake at work, you might become angry at a coworker who you feel is judging you. Therefore, it is crucial to recognise the main emotion behind our anger because it can help deal with the root cause of it.
So why is understanding anger as a secondary emotion important? First, it helps us to take a step back from our immediate emotional reactions and look at the situation more objectively. By recognising that anger is not the root emotion, we can begin to explore what other emotions we might be experiencing and address those instead. This can lead to more productive and healthy ways of dealing with our emotions, rather than just reacting based on anger. Second, understanding anger as a secondary emotion can also help us to communicate more effectively with others. If we are able to recognise and communicate our underlying emotions, we can help others understand why we are upset and work collaboratively to address the issue. This can lead to better and more positive outcomes in our relationships.
So how do we manage anger in a healthy way? There is no one size fits all solution for managing anger. However, some proven strategies are effective to help manage and reduce its impact. Some of these strategies include:
Mindfulness, such as deep breathing, relaxation exercises, or meditation.
Distress tolerance, like delaying your reaction, removing yourself from the situation, or changing the conversation.
Cognitive restructuring, by questioning your thoughts and feelings or changing the perspective of the situation.
Communication Skills, like assertiveness, active listening, or expressing your feelings clearly.
How does that look like in practice? For example, when we notice ourselves getting angry at a spouse, partner, or friend, we can take a few deep breaths and try to identify what other emotions we might be feeling that are contributing to this anger. This can help us take a break and not act upon our feelings impulsively. Expressing your anger doesn't always mean it has to be aggressive or destructive. Instead, expressing your anger can be a powerful way to communicate your feelings and needs effectively. To express your anger constructively, start with "I" statements instead of "you" statements, that can indicate blame. Be clear and specific about what you feel and why you feel that way. Make sure to listen to other people's perspectives and avoid interrupting them.
If your anger is causing significant distress or impacting your daily life, consider seeking professional help. A licensed therapist can help you identify the root cause of your anger and provide you with tailored strategies and coping mechanisms that help you express your emotions and manage them constructively.
Anger is a powerful and sometimes overwhelming emotion; anger is a normal human emotion that can have positive effects if expressed in a constructive way. However, if we fail to recognise our primary emotions and fail to manage them, it can lead to destructive behaviours and impact our psychological well-being. Hence it is essential to understand the root cause of our anger, recognise the early signs, and try to express our emotions in a healthy way. So next time you feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath and try to identify the other emotions that might be driving that anger. You might just find that you are able to turn that anger into a positive and productive emotion. Remember, seeking professional help when needed is always an option when dealing with anger management.
If you want to learn more about feelings and emotions and gain a variety of skills to manage them, enrol in our online course Working with Emotions, which will guide you to understand what you feel and how that manifests in your body, mind, and actions.